I am pretty confused and messed up to say the least. It is difficult when you are messed up by people that can also be nice to you.
When I was growing up we had some fun times but a lot of it has messed me up. My parents lied to me, they loved me but the lies have messed me up. When I was 13 I met my ex-husband, too young to start a long term relationship, I loved him and the one thing that sticks in my mind is that he didn’t lie to me.
Our bungalow was next door but one to my ex in-laws. So there was never really any getting away from it. I felt so trapped within myself from a very early age.
In 2001 my brother died and for a short while his fiancee continued to bring up my niece who was 11 at the time. Then something changed and my niece went to live with my parents. They then got guardianship of my niece but continued to have my brothers fiancee playing a big part in our family. I had my three daughters at home and really struggled with this situation. I felt totally pushed out in all directions. I have been treated like a child into my adulthood and I am now 55 years old. I really hurts me to think that my parents bragg about all the cruises they have gone on (100 in total) whilst I have been in a state of desperation and tried to take my own life on several occasions – I think it is about 12 in all.
I just can’t take anymore of this. My Dad has dementia and I believe that I have been overlooked as to who has lasting power of attorney if my Mother dies first. In my opinion I am closest to my Father and I would have been the one to look after him. So to be treated like this is really messing with my head.
It was my Dad’s birthday last week. I called round yesterday to drop their dog off. They had been away for 5 days and I had taken care of her. I had a look at his birthday cards and noticed that my Mum’s card, my niece’s card, their daughter’s card and their best friends cards were all on the mantel piece. My card along with my daughters cards were all on a foot stool on the side, that says it all really.
They have caused so much damage to my mind and this has impacted on my family life. I have tried my best to break the mold but it has been difficult to say the least. My daughters have turned out to be 3 lovely strong girls. I have done my best to bring them up. My youngest was with me from the age of 4, my middle girl 7 and my eldest 9. It has been really difficult.
I was getting severly harassed by someone and eventually I had to call 999 and he was arrested. Nor my parents nor the childrens father tried to help in any way whatsoever with any of this. I think I may have PTSD from it all. I am receiving counselling at the moment.
I think I shall be moving away soon with my partner. I need to do a few jobs on the house and hopefully get it on the market before Summer. Then we can decide where we shall live.
I can no longer be around to see my Mum behaving the way she does. It is always about her. Whenever you say something she manipulates it around to her. So hopefully I will no longer have this probably to deal with as I will be a good distance away. bit